The Weird Grief of Growing Apart From People You Once Loved

Hello everyone and happy Saturday. I hope you all had a lovely week. Today I wanted to speak about grieving for someone who is still alive.

It is a very strange thing to grieve someone that is still living. I think one of the hardest parts about that is wanting to be in their presence but not having access to it whether that's because you know it's for the best or because they won't allow you to access them but either way it's something that's hard. 

Growing apart from someone that you were close to is something that you can't really prepare yourself for because obviously in the moment when things are good you probably could never imagine that things would change or at least you don't want them to. 

My first time grieving someone was because of a betrayal. When you have someone you care for very deeply, whether that's a relationship, a friendship, or a family member it can be hard to accept that they would hurt you in any way. 

I think one of the hardest parts of grieving someone is having to grieve the person you thought they were and the relationship you thought you had. When I went through that I had such a hard time. It was as if all the memories we shared were tainted and I couldn’t tell what was real or fake and the worst part is I will most likely never know. 

Another aspect that comes with this is the longing you can feel for that person while also being hurt. I just wanted to know WHY they hurt me. I couldn't fathom it you know? It was so hard to believe. All I wanted at that time was for things to go back to normal as if nothing had changed but there was also a sense of gratitude that I was no longer being deceived and lied to. There was a part that felt relief that who they truly were was revealed to me and now I was free from someone like that. Still that doesn’t make the lie any easier if anything it makes it harder.

One of the most important things to remember is that you cannot let what someone did to you change you as a person, especially if it’s not for the better. I wanted so badly to let myself be consumed by the anger and hurt. I wanted to seek revenge and make them feel everything I felt and worse. Even then I knew it wasn’t who I was and as much as I wanted it to be I’m not the kind of person to hurt someone in that way let along worse and the thought of allowing what they did to me to change me and make me act out of character made me feel as if I were giving them a big fat trophy that said "you succeeded at destroying me congrats."

There was no way I was ever going to give someone the satisfaction of thinking they did me so bad that I was never the same. Absolutely not. So I did all I could do. I grieved. I was sick to my stomach behind it and I remember wanting to just skip to the part where I was okay and no longer felt the pain. Sadly though I couldn’t do that and I had to sit and feel every last bit of the hurt that they caused me. 

Do not even get me started on when they refuse to let you be. I could go on about that forever. I’ll just say it reminds you that they continue to put themselves and their feelings before you which proves that they were in fact completely capable of what they did because if they felt even a little remorse they would let you heal. 

Anyway, I finished the hard part eventually. I accepted that the person I knew wasn’t real, at least not all parts of them. I also learned to not use the good memories to torture myself. Yes there were good times but that is now of the past and I can’t go back there nor should I want to. Does me no good. 

Grieving someone who is still walking this earth is never easy, obviously because even when the tears stop you can still have moments of wondering where they are, how they're doing, what ways have they changed if at all. I still catch myself thinking of them but it never fails that I'm reminded of the hurt that came along. 

Needless to say I don’t think it’s supposed to be quick and painless because if it were then what does that really say about the relationship to begin with. Pain proves to you that you are real, and you can love. It reminds you to be a little more gentle with yourself and who you allow into your life. I can’t say I would go through that again willingly but I am grateful because it taught me a great deal about changing the love I thought I deserved so that I could accept the real kind. Not the kind that hurts 90% of the time but it's the other 10% that's keeping you there.

I hope you learn to go through the pain because that's the only way to get over it. There are no shortcuts but the best part is we don’t remain in the same time forever and eventually it’ll be over. Don’t let yourself stay in a loop. Forgive them not for their benefit but so that you can move on with your life. You will thank yourself later for not giving up. 

Anywho that's all I have to say. I hope you all continue to be safe and that this helped anyone who may have needed it. Remember that you are beautiful!

Thanks for reading!🌸

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