The Weird Grief of Growing Apart From People You Once Loved

Hello everyone and happy Saturday. I hope you all had a lovely week. Today I wanted to speak about grieving for someone who is still alive.

It is a very strange thing to grieve someone that is still living. I think one of the hardest parts about that is wanting to be in their presence but not having access to it whether that's because you know it's for the best or because they won't allow you to access them but either way it's something that's hard. 

Growing apart from someone that you were close to is something that you can't really prepare yourself for because obviously in the moment when things are good you probably could never imagine that things would change or at least you don't want them to. 

My first time grieving someone was because of a betrayal. When you have someone you care for very deeply, whether that's a relationship, a friendship, or a family member it can be hard to accept that they would hurt you in any way. 

I think one of the hardest parts of grieving someone is having to grieve the person you thought they were and the relationship you thought you had. When I went through that I had such a hard time. It was as if all the memories we shared were tainted and I couldn’t tell what was real or fake and the worst part is I will most likely never know. 

Another aspect that comes with this is the longing you can feel for that person while also being hurt. I just wanted to know WHY they hurt me. I couldn't fathom it you know? It was so hard to believe. All I wanted at that time was for things to go back to normal as if nothing had changed but there was also a sense of gratitude that I was no longer being deceived and lied to. There was a part that felt relief that who they truly were was revealed to me and now I was free from someone like that. Still that doesn’t make the lie any easier if anything it makes it harder.

One of the most important things to remember is that you cannot let what someone did to you change you as a person, especially if it’s not for the better. I wanted so badly to let myself be consumed by the anger and hurt. I wanted to seek revenge and make them feel everything I felt and worse. Even then I knew it wasn’t who I was and as much as I wanted it to be I’m not the kind of person to hurt someone in that way let along worse and the thought of allowing what they did to me to change me and make me act out of character made me feel as if I were giving them a big fat trophy that said "you succeeded at destroying me congrats."

There was no way I was ever going to give someone the satisfaction of thinking they did me so bad that I was never the same. Absolutely not. So I did all I could do. I grieved. I was sick to my stomach behind it and I remember wanting to just skip to the part where I was okay and no longer felt the pain. Sadly though I couldn’t do that and I had to sit and feel every last bit of the hurt that they caused me. 

Do not even get me started on when they refuse to let you be. I could go on about that forever. I’ll just say it reminds you that they continue to put themselves and their feelings before you which proves that they were in fact completely capable of what they did because if they felt even a little remorse they would let you heal. 

Anyway, I finished the hard part eventually. I accepted that the person I knew wasn’t real, at least not all parts of them. I also learned to not use the good memories to torture myself. Yes there were good times but that is now of the past and I can’t go back there nor should I want to. Does me no good. 

Grieving someone who is still walking this earth is never easy, obviously because even when the tears stop you can still have moments of wondering where they are, how they're doing, what ways have they changed if at all. I still catch myself thinking of them but it never fails that I'm reminded of the hurt that came along. 

Needless to say I don’t think it’s supposed to be quick and painless because if it were then what does that really say about the relationship to begin with. Pain proves to you that you are real, and you can love. It reminds you to be a little more gentle with yourself and who you allow into your life. I can’t say I would go through that again willingly but I am grateful because it taught me a great deal about changing the love I thought I deserved so that I could accept the real kind. Not the kind that hurts 90% of the time but it's the other 10% that's keeping you there.

I hope you learn to go through the pain because that's the only way to get over it. There are no shortcuts but the best part is we don’t remain in the same time forever and eventually it’ll be over. Don’t let yourself stay in a loop. Forgive them not for their benefit but so that you can move on with your life. You will thank yourself later for not giving up. 

Anywho that's all I have to say. I hope you all continue to be safe and that this helped anyone who may have needed it. Remember that you are beautiful!

Thanks for reading!🌸

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The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Alright, let's get to it. 

Question number one: What did I think about the Quarter Quell itself?

The Quarter Quell was an extremely smart decision from Snow. I'm not gonna lie, that shook them to their core, and I was like, you know what, Snow? Applause for the theatrics, because that was smart. That was something. That's a smart man right there, because that girl put your country in a rivalry. Like, she stirred it up, and you were like, you know what? I'm about to rock this little girl's world, because she played in my face, and I just don't appreciate it. And, like, I really didn't want to have to deal with this inconvenience at all. He was like, I'm about to put you right back where you started. I'm about to put you right back where I know you don't want to go. Matter of fact, I'm about to traumatize all of y'all, because y'all all seem to have gotten too much dip on ya chip. And so now I'm about to remind you and everyone up in this piece that I run this town and that what I say goes. And if I want you back in that arena, you're gonna go back in the arena, and there's nothing you can do about it. Point blank, period. 

So I thought the Quarter Quell itself was very interesting and very smart on Snow's part. And I also really liked, like, you know, the design of the arena. I just think the whole thing was really smart. It was very clever. 

Question number two: How did you feel about the reveal at the end?

There were a lot of reveals, so maybe the plan was revealed. The plan being revealed, it honestly made a lot of sense, and all the clues came together. I think it was also really smart. I just feel bad for Katniss and Peeta. Also Finnick my poor baby is so much deeper than what's originally revealed and I love Johanna’s character. It definitely wasn't predictable if you never saw the movies, I definitely would have been more shocked. I don't know how to put it but I just also feel like Haymitch and his whole secretive situation is something else. The thing is, Peeta and Katniss both peeped it. Like when they were talking to each other like, “okay, I think we can be honest with each other by now, and neither one of us is planning on coming out of this alive because we’re trying to save the other.” And so they revealed that, you know, Haymitch had promised them both to save the other, and then Katniss was like, “then which one is true? Which promise is real to Haymitch. Only he knows.” Like, this man is always lying. Like, really, how can I trust what he's saying at all right now? And in the end, she felt like she couldn't. And I honestly don't blame her, especially because he specifically promised her to try her best with Peeta. And we all know that Haymitch cares for Peeta, he likes Peeta, but he sees Katniss as an asset. They all do. And so he 100% is always gonna try to save Katniss over Peeta. So I feel like she does have a right to feel betrayed by Haymitch because, like, I asked you to do one thing, and that's to keep Peeta safe for me, and you, your excuse is that you couldn't go back, but, it was just the one thing I asked of you. It was literally my dying wish, I don't know, you couldn't be my friend first? I see how that's betraying, and I know that there's a bigger thing behind all the emotions. This is the weight of the world right now, like, the world's at stake that's probably how Haymitchs sees it and he’s not wrong but, you know, when you're in a traumatizing situation like Katniss was, you don't really think about that. So I get how Katniss is feeling. I think her feelings are pretty valid, honestly. 

Question number three: How do you feel about Peeta now? 

I love Peeta. I always loved Peeta from the very beginning. I love his character. He's probably my favorite character, to be honest. I think he's incredibly sweet and incredibly smart. And I know a lot of people think that, like, all the characters are clever, but one of my favorite things about Peeta is that man can lie. He can lie his tail off. He is so smart, and he can talk. Like, he's so charismatic, and I love that. He can literally smooth-talk the mess out of anybody. I am also scared for him. When I read Mockingjay, whenever that will be, I am going to be so sad to read about how they tortured and traumatized him and stuff. Like, it's like, Peeta you know. He’s the least deserving of it. And it's just hurtful because he's just so incredibly sweet and so interesting. I love Peeta as a character. He’s so complex because he’s a boy with such a big heart YET he is so manipulative but not in a way to hurt people. He uses his manipulative charisma to help Katniss so many times. 

Question number four: Did Gale become even more intolerable, or did anything change your opinion of him?

No. Gale is still exactly the same, and nothing will ever change my opinion about him. Love that he has no clue that Peeta didn't actually tap that though. Moving on. 

Number five: What do you think Katniss actually feels for Peeta versus Gale now? 

Yeah, her feelings for Peeta are much deeper than her feelings for Gale, because especially when they kissed, she described their kiss differently. This is what I'm, like, noticing between Gale and Peeta, is that with Gale, it's, like, sweet. It's something I was longing for, something I never felt like, something expected and anticipated. She’s like I do love Gale, but she always circles back to the same thing. “I never ever have intended to marry him, and I still don't see myself doing that. Never has it ever been my intention to marry Gale. Not once.” She always circles back to that point. 

When it comes to Peeta, for one, I want to say she describes her kisses with completely different types of feelings. Completely. She describes Gale's kiss as sweet, basically. She says with Peeta that that kiss had her hungry. Hungry. Hungry. As in intense. As in longing. As in yearning. As in, I don't even know how to explain it to you, but hungry, babe. Hungry. She said, “a different kind of hunger I've never felt.” This is coming from a girl who has literally about starved to death multiple times in her life. So take that into account. 

I feel like they are going through the Quarter Quell and have gone through the Hunger Games together. This is a life-death experience twice now that they’ve gone through. These experiences are going to keep fueling them to just grow deeper and her once again feeling this need to sacrifice her life for him and vice versa. Katniss's feelings have grown deeper for Peeta in a way that they probably will never be able to get deeper with Gale because of the positions they're in and with the war. There are so many things that apply, and there's so many ways for her relationship with Peeta to continue to get deeper and growing, whereas Gale, there just isn't as many opportunities, and it's probably never gonna happen for him. She may not recognize it right away, or even acknowledge it, but she is in love with Peeta. Whereas Gale, she has a strong love for him, but she's not in love with him. Does that make sense? But yeah, I can keep going on about that forever, anyway…

Question number six: What do you think of Haymitch after learning what he was actually doing? 

Once again, I will say this: Haymitch is extremely smart, and I see why he does what he does, but I think his whole secretive thing he always does, and not telling anyone stuff, he has to also take into account people's feelings. Y'all are a family, and you doing things like that, it hurts people, and I get his intentions, and they may not have been bad, but I just think he doesn't do a very well at taking people's feelings into account, and it's just not fair, especially to Katniss, because of what all she's going through. I feel like his decisions were just a little bit irresponsible. At least not on the part of, not letting her know anything. Also I just feel him making the decision to not go after Peeta, I feel like it was more or less that we couldn't get Peeta, and more so “it's not as important to get Peeta for me because we are in the middle of a revolution. I'm not willing to risk anything to get Peeta”, and this is because he cares more about the success of the rebellion and making sure Katniss can be the Mockingjay than anything else. And I just feel it is a little selfish. I see it, and I understand why he's doing it, but that doesn't make it any less selfish. 

Question number seven: What was your reaction to the last few chapters? 

Okay, in the last few chapters, I was a little irritated with Katniss, because I was like, “girl, how can you not see what these people are doing?” But then again, I get it. It's a high-stakes situation. Yes, girl, I understand you. And honestly, the last chapter was really well written and will keep you on your toes. I specifically love the description of Johanna cutting the tracker out of Katniss' arm. It shows how Katniss really continues to be an unreliable narrator partly because she’s in constant survival mode but also because she doesn’t understand herself. 

This series is so incredibly detailed, and it is so intelligent, and it is just insane to me how someone could have a mind like Collins. You know what kind of thinking you'd have to have to put something like this together? I completely understand why some people are like, The Hunger Games is literally one of the best series to have touched the face of Earth. I get that. I understand that, because it's literally so intellectual. I love it so much. And personally, in my personal opinion, I really do think that The Hunger Games deserves the same recognition that Harry Potter got. Sue me, I'm sorry. Die hard Slytherin though. 

The point is, though, these books are so incredibly intellectual, and to think that there are more book connected to the trilogy, I think that goes back in time to Snow and his storyline. There's also another movie coming out about Haymitch and that whole situation, based on his book. I'm not caught up. I've got literally another three books to go in this series before I'm, like, completely caught up with the fandom.

So anyway that's my thought of book two of The Hunger Games Trilogy, Catching Fire. I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to share as well! 

The next book we’ll be getting to is…(drumroll please and thank you): AGNES AUBERT'S MYSTICAL CAT SHELTER!! A 1920’s period based, fantasy, romance, grump x sunshine sitch. Stay tuned. 

Thanks for reading, until next time!🌸

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Trusting God's Plan and Timing.

Happy Saturday everyone, I hope you all are doing great. This week's topic we will be discussing Trusting God's Plan and Timing. As you can see by the title. So as a believer this topic is very important because we as humans naturally have a struggle with handing things over especially when it comes to our lives and we want to be in control of everything. 

If it was up to us we wouldn't go through any struggles, any hardships, or any hard lessons at all. Life would probably be on easy mode but that's not how it's supposed to work because if it was then it's how it would go and that's part of why trusting God's Will and plan for your life is so difficult because we don’t want to go through the hard parts. 

I struggled with this for a very long time because I'm the kind of person who likes to plan my life. I live for a to do list. I LOVE a Pinterest board. I’m not new to this, I'm true to this. I had to learn the hard way that it just simply isn't possible to know every single thing that's going to happen. You cannot control everything around you, especially because you cannot control other people. You can try your best to plan and organize, write everything down and for a while you may think you have it all together but in reality there's no way for you to know that any of what you have planned is going to go your way. And the craziest part is 90% of the time it's not. Sucks but it’s true. 

My entire life I had a vision for how I wanted my life to go, who I want it to be and how things are going to plan out for me and when they didn't go my way I would honestly freak out and think the worst of the worst. I'm sure you can imagine that it can be pretty stressful and hard to go through that three times a week. Imagine how frequently I would get worked up behind even the smallest of things. Why was I panicking in a corner every time time something didn’t go right? Hardships and inconveniences are a part of life and things are not going to work out exactly how you want. That is such a high stress way to live your life and over time it starts to wear you out mentally and physically and emotionally and in a lot of cases becomes dangerous for a person's health. I literally thought I was going insane at times but no ya girl just didn’t get her way. 

When I first gave my life over to the Lord I struggled with this so incredibly bad. It was something I had to learn to surrender to Him or else I was never going to have a true relationship with Him. Until I learned that He is God, and He is in control of everything a lot of things were going to continue to be difficult. At first I saw it as something that I had to prevent or Him being in control was a bad thing. I was frustrated that I didn't get to be in control of my life in every way that I wanted to be but as I grew closer to Him and I learned that He knows so much better than I do. His plan for my life is much better than my own and in reality all the struggles that I’ve gone through probably wouldn’t have happened or been nearly as bad had I had Him in my life sooner. A large amount of what we go through is because of our actions and the actions of the people around us. All of that changed for me when I gave my life to God because I no longer made such stupid decisions and I no longer had people around me that were hurting me. 

Now when it comes to His timing that can be a completely different ball game. It was one thing for me to learn that He knows better than I do and that my life is in better hands with Him. I also had to learn that when it comes to things that He promises me I have to be patient. (still learning :))

At first you start to think that God isn't doing something when you want to do it because He's against you or because He thinks you're not ready and you may think you are ready but you will never know because you're not Him and once again He knows better than you do. 

Trusting God’s timing and the difficulty that comes with it once again plays into wanting to control the many aspects of your life. I had to realize that sometimes things don't happen when I want them to for a reason and I cannot tell you how many times I look back and see that I'm grateful it didn't happen when I wanted. 

One of my biggest flaws is that I worry a lot and I want to know not only what's going to happen but I want to know when and how. I need all the details because I am a very detail oriented person. It was difficult to not worry about the details and just trust that things were going to go the way they needed to. I am an excited kind of person. I anticipate things really strongly and when I'm excited about something it's on my mind 24/7. 

That is something that's really hard to go through because when you're constantly thinking about one thing, it makes the anticipation so worsening that you start to become uncertain about the very thing that God promised you. You begin to wonder why it hasn't happened. Then when you realize okay, maybe it's not time yet, you start to think, “when will it be time?, why isn't it time? I feel ready. Why doesn't God think I'm ready?” IT GETS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE OKAY?! 

Being in your own head all the time is not good for you and it put me in a spot I didn't even realize I was in. When God promises you something one of the main things you need to do is humble yourself. Yes there needs to be trust, yes there needs to be confidence in who He is and how much He loves you but you also need to take the time to remember that constantly worrying about how things are going to go and asking Him why things haven't happened the way you want them to is not being humble and it will bite you in the butt. 

We have no business questioning God and anything that He does in general so constantly wondering in your head how and when things are going to happen is a recipe for disaster. It's easier said than done, don't ever mistake that but it needs to happen or else you're never going to find peace and God is going to continue to see that you're not ready because you can't do something as simple as humble yourself before His plan and timing. If you can't do that, why in the world would He give you what you're asking for. 

It is so important to realize and recognize that God wants to bless you just as badly as you want the blessing if not more but He isn't going to just do it because He wants to or because He sees that you want it. If He did that then you wouldn't be able to handle it the way you need to because you weren't ready and He loves you more than to allow you to mess things up for yourself. That is part of the many reasons why he knows better than you do. 

I can't sit here and act like I know the true secret behind not worrying about how things are going to play out because if I'm being honest with you I haven't gotten it down 100%. Nobody really does that, it's the hard honest truth but the important part is trying your best and knowing when the struggle is getting in the way of your relationship with God and the things He wants to do for you. 

My best advice is obviously to continue to pray and continue to rebuke and to stay in The Word.  If it is truly something that you're struggling with, talk to God and be honest with Him about it because He can see how you're feeling and what you're thinking anyway so the best thing you can do is just say it out loud to Him and be honest with how you're feeling and what you're thinking and I guarantee you He can help you find peace of mind because He loves you and He wants you to be okay. You could never ask for His help too much. He will always be there for you and all you have to do is spend time with him and get to know Him because that's truly all He wants in the end. 

That's all I have to say about this for now. I really hope that this helps someone who may be struggling with this because I know what it's like and it is something that is extremely difficult to go through. It's not fun at all and if I'm able to help someone in any way then I'm more than happy. 

I hope you all continue to have a lovely Saturday and I love you all so much. 

Smooches and thanks for reading! 🌸

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Howls Moving Castle

Genre: Fantasy, Romance

Okay so I read this book it's called Howl's Moving Castle there is a movie a based off of the book but apparently is a far off retelling of the book so I'm not going to recommend watching the movie before the book at all if you just want to skip the book all together because they're nothing alike. 

Anyway, as far as the book, I absolutely loved it. It was one of those books that are a little off and a little weird and personally I love that in a book it makes me feel as if you get the best of both words because they can be light-hearted and fun but also deep underneath and I appreciate that and a good book. 

So how's Moving Castle is about a girl named Sophie who is an oldest daughter and she initially believes that that settles her fate and she's the oldest daughter of two younger sisters and so she being the oldest means that she will not have a good life that it's just meant to be boring and things like that because that's the fate of the oldest according to Sophie. 

So one day as you know things move along in the book she gets cursed by a witch that is known for her wickedness and she is turned into an old lady and Sophie is so shocked by this that she doesn't initially react she actually flips upside down and walks out of her home and never turns back and she's like well I'm an old lady my life has changed and I get to go do whatever I want because at this point what else am I going to do. 

So she ends up going to house Castle who is a known Wizard and he is known for stealing and
kidnapping girls so she goes up there she basically forces herself into his home where she meets his little Apprentice Michael and his magical fire demon who lives in the fireplace named Calicifer. 

So it is like a found family I love the fact that this book. Found family isn’t my favorite all the time but it's extremely comforting that we get to see an extremely flawed but kind character go through these things that Sophie goes through. 

One of her flaws is that she's extremely nosy and me personally I cannot stand nosiness but it like I said made me appreciate the flaws within a character because it makes it more realistic and human but one of my favorite dynamics of the book is the growing relationship of Sophie with herself and with her fate and with her power and she starts to realize that she isn't who she initially believed herself to be and she grows this understanding of herself that I can really appreciate. 

I also love Howl as a character because he is something much deeper underneath the surface of what the book initially gives us and what Sophie's interpretation of him is at first and we get to know him throughout the book and he is an extremely interesting character that I think a lot of people will love because to me he's extremely funny but he's also much deeper than what meets the eye and I love that in a character. 

All the other characters I also learned to love and appreciate because they add to the story, the plot of this book is actually extremely good and I just enjoyed the fact that it was a little odd the descriptions were interesting and there was a plot twist that I did not expect to be honest and also one of my favorite things about this book is that you get to hear Sophie's thoughts but she isn't necessarily and unreliable narrator but when you actually pay attention to the things that are going around her versus what she's thinking you can see the difference between how she feels and what's actually going on and I appreciate that. 

I really like this book. I 100% recommend that anyone could like it for real especially if you love something that is fantasy romance and light-hearted but deep within and it shows you something within characters that you can learn from then you can appreciate this book. I left out A LOT of details so this barely touches the surface trust me if you think this spoils it pls go read it for yourself. 

Let me know if any of you have or will read it. I'll be more than happy to discuss it with you because I love a good discussion. 

Thanks for reading! 🌸

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Fashion Magazine

🍂 ✦ 🍁 ✦ 🍂

SWEET SIDE QUEST PRESENTS

THE FALL
FASHION ISSUE

07 outfits for your autumn wardrobe

FALL 2026

01 — THE CLASSIC FALL GIRL 🍂

Sweater + Jeans + Boots

THE CLASSIC FALL GIRL

There is something about a cozy sweater, a good pair of jeans, and boots that will never stop feeling like fall to me. It's simple, effortless, and somehow always looks put together.

🍁 THE VIBE: cozy • classic • effortless

02 — THE SKIRT MOMENT 🎀

Sweater + Skirt + Tights + Boots

THE SKIRT MOMENT

A mini skirt with tights and a cozy sweater is one of my favorite ways to make an outfit feel a little more feminine while still keeping that cozy autumn feeling.

🎀 THE VIBE: girly • playful • autumn chic

03 — THE CAMPUS GIRL ☕

Cute but Comfortable

THE CAMPUS GIRL

Because sometimes you want to look cute for class without feeling like you spent two hours getting dressed. This is the outfit for coffee runs, lectures, library days, and pretending you have your life together.

☕ THE VIBE: casual • cute • effortless

04 — THE IT-GIRL 👜

Statement Coat + Heels + Handbag

THE IT-GIRL

Sometimes the outfit needs to be dramatic. A statement coat, a gorgeous pair of heels, and a handbag that makes you feel like the main character can completely transform a simple fall day.

👜 THE VIBE: glamorous • confident • dramatic

05 — THE COZY WEEKEND 🧸

Oversized Sweater + Leggings + Boots

THE COZY WEEKEND

For the days when you want to be comfortable but still feel like you actually got dressed. Add your favorite boots, grab a coffee, and you're ready for a cozy Saturday.

🧸 THE VIBE: cozy • relaxed • warm

06 — THE 2000s GIRL 💿

Statement Pieces + Fun Accessories

THE 2000s GIRL

Give me the slightly tacky accessories, the fun colors, the statement pieces, and all the little details that make an outfit feel like it came straight out of a Y2K movie.

💿 THE VIBE: playful • nostalgic • fun

07 — THE MAIN CHARACTER 🍁

My Ultimate Fall Look

THE MAIN CHARACTER

Of course some shoes had to be included because it wouldn't be me otherwise. A good shoe makes the outfit.

🍁 THE VIBE: main character • dreamy • autumn

My sucky monday

 

The way my day went today was just so annoying. I'm fine for the most part. I just want to say I think it's important to allow yourself to have one of those days. I woke up and I already knew it was coming but I started my period and usually how mine goes I'm fine until I start doing activity or a couple hours in I start feeling as if my body is slowly trying to take me out. I had three classes to go to today so I usually get up early in the mornings so that I have time to spend with God and myself before I go to class because it helps me feel grounded. 

So I did my usual, I got up washed my face, brushed my teeth and ate my breakfast while doing my Bible study and you know just spending time with the Lord as I usually do and then I hopped back in bed because I usually have about an hour to myself and I was so tired I ended up just going back to sleep until it was time for me to start getting ready to go to class and I did exactly that. I got up, got dressed and everything and then went to class. 

 I don't know where y'all live but where I live it is so freaking hot and right now we're in this heat wave where even when it rains the rain is hot. It's really annoying and everyone is pretty miserable. Having to go to class and walk around in this heat is frustrating especially because my campus is all over the city so we just have to walk up all types of hills and everything and it's just annoying. Me personally? I'm not sure if anyone can relate to this but turning 20 has made me feel like I've hit puberty all over again because my body reacts to things completely differently now. I never sweat in my life like the way I do now and I don't know if it’s because climate change has it hot as crap or because I've gotten older but I literally feel like I'm drenched in sweat five seconds into stepping outside and it's the most annoying thing ever because I am very conscious about smells I do not play about smelling decent so it's I’m uncomfortable and obviously you do the natural things like take baths, put on deodorant but like sweat is sweat and it just bothers me because I feel like I can smell my sweat mixed with my lotions and perfumes and deodorants and it’s gross. 

I know other people must not think that because no one avoids me or has said anything and people sit beside me constantly so I'll say I must not stink but they say that you no one smells you like you smell yourself so honestly it's not surprising but like I don't the smell of sweat and it's just grossing me out and I be ready to cry walking around campus feeling like a sweaty dude. 

But anyways I'm already sweating a whole bunch and I started my period so by the time I was in my third class of the day I started cramping and I was really sleepy and I was getting a headache. I was irritated and I had a shin splint walking to class because I usually am in the same buildings on campus since my freshman year I've always been in the same areas but with my school they put the smallest majors on the outskirts of the campus so the art school is literally so far and I have 15 minutes to walk from the main part of campus all the way to the art school and it's the most annoying thing ever because like I said my school is pretty much around the city so I had to Dodge cars and everything else on top of it being hot and my stomach was cramping. 

So I had to endure sitting in an art class which I'm sure is a very fascinating thing and I personally love art as a hobby but I have no passion for it and I could not care so I was pretty much miserable and counting down the time it was time to leave not to mention despite me basically running to class i was still almost late and there was barely any seats so had to sit right in front the professor, fighting not to fall asleep. When it was finally time to leave I felt a little bit better but then I realized that I didn't drive to campus today so I had to wait an hour for the bus. In the heat. With my stomach cramping. And a headache. No food. 

By the time I got home the first thing I did was get in the shower because my stomach was hurting so bad and when I got out I took pain medicine, fixed a bowl of cereal for dinner because cooking wasn’t an option and I got in the bed and I haven't moved since. I also ate pretzels. I did  my homework and I'm not going to lie, I half did it. I really didn't care, I was frustrated.

 

Anyway I don't know what my point of this is I just wanted to say something about my day because I was irritated and hot and I guess the whole of what I want to leave you with is just it's okay to have those days especially when you're sitting there in pain and not every day is going to go perfectly. I was frustrated but I made myself feel better because I just allowed myself to feel my pain and be a little bit of a slob in the bed because I wasn't in the mood even though it's a Monday and I could be getting stuff done I probably should be studying I just couldn't because all I wanted to do was sit in the bed. Thankfully tomorrow I only have one class and it's not till 1:00 p.m. so I can try to get things done tomorrow but I only goal for today was to do the homework for tonight and call it a day and that's exactly what I did I'm writing this block and I'm probably going to start getting ready for bed even though it's 7:00 p.m.

Thanks for reading! 🌸

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The Hunger Games

I recently read The Hunger Games book for the first time and I have to say I really enjoyed it even more than I do the movies. The movies are very popular, they’re starring Jennifer Lawrence and I did watch them a lot, especially when they first came out but I always had an interest in reading the books because I thought if the movies were so good I can't imagine what the books are like. I finally took the time to actually read it and it is so much better than the movies and there are a lot of aspects of the book that I think the movies did a great job at displaying.

 

One of the main things I liked about this book was the fact that we got a great inner dialogue of how Katniss was feeling and thinking. We got this extremely strong but also flawed character which is really nice to see because I feel like authors have a habit of trying to make their main characters especially when they're female as little flawed as possible so that they’re like-able but with Katniss her flaws are part of her and they're part of her trauma and the author doesn't shy away from that.

I love Katniss as a character because even though she is this girl who is struggling and going through hard times because of what the capital is doing to their world and they're living in this dystopian environment she still takes the time and cares for her family. I like the fact that the resentment that she has for the capital along with her mother and Haymitch for example she sees makes her more human because resentment comes with struggles sometimes.

She describes her trauma of her father's death and how she hated her mother and distrusted her for falling into a deep depression after his death, so much so that she abandoned her kids.  Even though I personally believe that her mother deserved the benefit of the doubt because depression is a real thing and I could completely understand how someone would fall into a deep depression and not care about anything else, not even lives when they lose someone that they've loved in that way. I think it makes Katniss real to have that flaw of not being able to  understand what her mother was going through because it shows that she's a young, and little close-minded. 

I think this situation between Katniss and her mother I believe that Katniss can't fully grasp why  her mother abandoned them because of her mental state because Katniss has never loved anyone that deeply and it's interesting to me because it's one of the lessons she's about to learn with her relationship with Peeta.

Another thing I loved was how her resentment for the people around her lessened as she went on in the hunger games. She began to miss her mother and dream of her. She disliked Haymitch because she couldn’t understand how he became a drunk but she realized that they are a lot alike and maybe he became a drunk because he went through the hunger games and had to mentor other kids for up to 30 years and have watched every single one die. At first she she didn’t like Peeta and didn’t trust him but they’re friendship grew and she opened her eyes to see that Peeta's actions were him trying to protect her. She made a lot of people villains because she was angry but by the end of the book she had a new found love and appreciation

for them and realized that the anger she carried were for the capitol and those were her true enemies. 

Another one of my favorite aspects of the story is that even though Katniss tries very hard to come off as to strong nonchalant character who's just doing what she has to do to survive like everyone else when she gets in the arena for The Hunger Games she inherently becomes more human throughout the situation because she starts to feel the weight of being in a place where not only is she being hunted but she has to kill. She doesn't feel like she has room to cry or feel her emotions and one of the biggest emotions she does feel is anger and she refuses to let herself feel anything else but as she grows in the arena and she meets more people she realizes that she doesn't want to be angry anymore. She begins to fear ending up a drunk like Haymitch because she saw herself within him. 

As for the love story with Peeta the romance is aspect of this book is really good to me I like the fact that is pretty obvious that Peter loved her for a long time and Katniss had never known and she always wondered about him deep down and it wasn't until she got into that situation with Peeta of being in the Hunger Games that she realized she paid a lot more attention to him than she thought. They knew each other better than they had thought they did. I like the fact that she's very honest with herself about how she feels even though she may not completely understand herself. She cares for Peter but she isn't in love with him and she can feel herself falling in love with him but she's not going to force herself to recognize feelings that she's never felt before. 

Although I do feel bad for Peter that his feelings are not completely returned neither one of them know that that's not the case they had just recently got out of a situation where they had to survive being hunted and killed it was extremely traumatizing situation and feelings like a relationship is not simple to just figure out as soon as you get out of The Hunger Games. I do understand that he thought thy were real because nobody told him that they were acting to stay safe from the capitol but he also needs to learn that at a time like this romantic emotions aren’t the focus. 

I do believe that Peter owes her the benefit of the doubt because even though yes she was pretending to be in love with him to survive the capital there are very obvious feelings there and it's obvious she cares for him in some way she just might not be in love with him and I think it's true what she said, that he should be a little bit more understanding because before this they were basically complete strangers and just because he loved her from the beginning she doesn't owe that to him and she has someone that she loves and her main goal was to survive and get back to her family.

I think Peter realizing that her feelings were not romantic in the level that his were he forgets that she cared for him in many other ways and that even though the relationship may not be romantic and it's an extremely deep friendship and I don't think that's something he should throw away because of his feelings being hurt. 

My last observation I had to say about the movies. The movies are great. I do love them. I do wish that by the time in the middle to end of the movies where all the big fights were happening I do think that the tributes should have looked a little bit more starved in the movies. They looked well put together and I feel like they could have used some CGI or something to make them look a little bit more malnourished because in the books they barely had food they were starving for days on end.

Overall though I really enjoyed this book and I definitely will be finishing the series and taking my time I 100% recommend this if you like dystopian with a little bit of romance and I like the fact that we're going to be able to see her grow as a character but also the romance within these books grow. 

Thanks for reading! 🌸

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