Never Apologize for Having High Standards
When I was seventeen, I lowered my standards for the first time in my life. At the time, I didn't think of it that way. I thought I was simply opening my heart and giving someone a chance. Looking back now, I realize I wasn't just making room for love I was making room to lose myself.
I met my first boyfriend one summer through my best friend. I was already going through a difficult season of life, and for the first time, someone seemed to genuinely like me. He was funny, easy to talk to, and I was finally at an age where I wanted to experience what everyone else seemed to have already experienced. In this generation, it feels like people start dating so young, and I had always been the girl who was careful because I was afraid of getting hurt. My standards had always been high, but somewhere along the way I convinced myself that maybe they were too high. Maybe I was asking for too much. So I ignored the little voice telling me to be cautious and decided to give love a chance.
That relationship lasted two and a half years. I'm not going to tell every detail of what happened because some parts of that story belong to me, but what I will say is that somewhere during those two and a half years, I betrayed myself. I compromised pieces of who I was because I loved him, and I thought that was what love looked like. I convinced myself that the constant hurt, the uncertainty, the breakups, and the emotional exhaustion were simply part of being in a relationship. I didn't know any different. It was my first love, and I genuinely believed that if you loved someone enough, you stayed.
By the time our relationship ended during my sophomore year of college, I felt like a completely different person. I looked different, I felt different, and I carried pain that I didn't even know how to explain. Even after the breakup, it took two months before I could truly let go because he continued reaching out, and I was terrified of what would happen if I cut him off completely. It wasn't until my therapist gently reminded me that I was no longer responsible for him that I finally found the courage to block him.
I wasn't trying to get over him anymore I was trying to become myself again because that relationship had taken my independence. I had stopped doing the things I loved. When I finally walked away, I was going to find the girl I had lost.
As I healed, I realized something that completely changed the way I look at relationships. The standards I have today weren't created because I think I'm better than anyone else. They exist because I know exactly what happens when I abandon them. I know what it feels like to settle because you're afraid of being alone. I know what it feels like to ignore your intuition because you want to be loved. Most importantly, I know what it feels like to wake up one day and realize you've become someone you no longer have respect for.
People still tell me that my standards are too high. They say I'm too picky, that I'll never find someone if I keep expecting so much. Maybe they're right. Maybe my standards are high. But I would rather wait for someone who shares my ambition, my values, and my vision for the future than spend years trying to convince someone to become the person I need them to be. I want someone who dreams because I dream, who works hard because I work hard. I want someone who wants to build a beautiful life because that's exactly what I'm working toward every single day. Those aren't impossible expectations they're simply the kind of partnership I hope to build.
If I could sit down with my seventeen-year-old self, I wouldn't tell her not to fall in love. I don't regret anything I went through. I'm grateful I learned the lesson so long. Loving someone isn't what hurt me. Losing myself was. I would simply remind her that love should never require you to abandon your peace, your values, or your self-respect. The right person won't make you to become smaller so they'll feel bigger.
So no, I won't lower my standards again. Not because I'm arrogant and not because I think I'm perfect. But because I fought too hard to become myself again, and that's a version of me I'm never willing to lose.
Thank you for reading. 🌸
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